I need you!

ATTENTION: ALL FRIENDS AND FAMILY! MY DATING POOL IS NONEXISTENT, EMPTY, DRY AND GONE! PLEASE SET ME UP ASAP!

DRAMATIC MUCH? HA HA BUT FOR REALS!

So I’ll tell ya life is crazy! Monday I went back to work after 5 busy days off and was saddened yet again by the thought of Al and on one of my breaks I just thought I can do this no more. What good is it always being mad at him? So in my car I said a prayer and gave up the feelings to the Lord. Oh what a release. Sure I still see things like Charleston Chews at Target tonight and think of him but it doesn’t hurt like it did before. The Atonement is a wonderful thing and I do know that Christ knows my pain and is willing to take it from me. All I need to do is ask!

 

Pat's Run!

I love, absolutely love living by myself. I love that the mess is my mess but I really love when it is clean. I love shopping for myself….eh may not love just cooking for myself but seriously I can’t complain.

But I am so lonely, it is not always a problem just on days like today or when I have parties to go to that I realize it. So all year I could not wait for this day. It was the 7^th annual Pat’s Run. Pat actually grew up in my home town then came to ASU for college and was a football all-star and then he went on and played for the Cardinals! Instead of renewing his contract he joined the Army and became a Ranger. While in Afghanistan he was killed sadly by friendly fire. And so Pat’s run was born the money raised is used to support the Tillman foundation which helps military men and woman further their education through scholarships. The run is 4.2 miles around the Tempe town lake and you finish on the 42 yard line inside Sun Devil stadium…pretty cool!!!!

I just love and respect Pat Tillman and love what his the work his foundation supports. So this year I spent a couple hours last weekend and all day Friday volunteering to get things together for the race. It was a lot of fun and I will definitely do it again next year.

So here is the problem…last night as I was getting ready for bed I started thinking I don’t even need to go to the race what is the point I am going alone. I was thinking about getting there early so I could park and get to the stadium…alone. Then once I get there and get there early then I have to stand around for a hour or more…alone. Then I get to race…yup you guessed it alone!

Surrounded my 30,000 people and I was so alone. But I did it and as I ran I thought I can do hard things. Tillman did hard things and ended up giving his life…but then this wasn’t the problem the problem is I was alone!!!!

Then tonight my ward had a chili cook off to raise money for the Boy Scouts my friend Dylan (90210 the “bad boy”) was supposed to go with me we talked about it all week. This morning I texted him said it is at 6pm are we still on and his response “absolutely” well I am sure you won’t be surprised given my track record but ya he didn’t show. I received a text at 9pm tonight telling me he just got back from out of town…OY!!!! Why oh why can I not catch a break?

No word from Al I even broke down and included him in mass text about Pat’s run this morning and he didn’t even say good job. I am so mad at him. I never said if you aren’t interested run away and never talk to me again. How can he feel ok about this or does he even care?

Any ways Cate promises to be at Pat’s run next year! Any other joiners are welcome! It is a blast!

Oh and I picked the name Dylan because this guy thinks he is such a bad boy since he rides a motorcycle and is half black which he apparently thinks this a big no no in my religion and will not believe me when I say it is not. We really mesh well together and can make each other laugh. He really is really sweet despite what he thinks is a rough exterior. He is supposed to go to church with me tomorrow but lesson learned I am not counting on it…as Sister Hinckley said expect the worst and you will be greatly surprised…fingers crossed!

Don't you Remember?

So you know the scene in Tangled where Rapunzel leaves her tower and is joyous one minutes, spinning and leaping through the air then in a dark cave feeling bad about leaving her mother? That is my favorite scene, Who hasn’t felt that way about life? Well a friend pointed out that I am that way….A LOT!

My happiness does not depend on a man but I do let them control me far too often. I guess I just don’t understand how I can be so easily disposed of when it is over. It hurts and there is no changing that.

I know I need to move on from Al but the fact is we have been pretty darn good friends for the past 6 months and yet not even a happy birthday text. I think the lyrics to the song Don’t You Remember by Adele sum this up for me the best….

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any sins,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye,
And a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye,
And a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
In hope that you'd find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

it's Friday I'm in love

So sorry it takes me so long to post sometimes it seems I do a bunch at once then nothing. So my date with Mitch was Friday night. It was great….but I will be honest my hopes and expectations were not met hence why it may have taken me so long to post. Not that it is over who knows right?

So something I love about Mitch is he is considerate and aware of what I or others may be thinking.

Ooooo see I really don’t even want do this post…I want to tell you everything but I don’t know if there is anything to tell. I fear I am so smitten because I have known him for a really long time and I know a lot about him. I can honestly say I have nothing bad to say about him. Not a thing! I am utterly amazed by this man. I could give you a very detailed list of the many things I love about him and I know it is ridiculous! Just two weeks ago it was all about Al but with Al I could give you a list of annoying things that I would either have to put up with or work through….Would that be settling? I didn’t think it was 2 weeks ago but then I am reminded of the greatness and compatibility of others and it seems like it.

The thing that is most annoying about this is I don’t know if he is going to call me again. The unfortunate part of dating is just because I like him doesn’t mean he will like me.

So he picked me up all cute in his Royal Palms hat that he thinks is so hardcore. Hardcore to what I ask? He never could tell me. We went to a party first because a friend asked him to stop by because she was afraid no one would come since the party was for a girl who didn’t have too many friends. Fortunately I knew some of the girls so it was fun to see them and catch up. Afterward it was kinda late and we didn’t get much to eat so we went over to Tia Rosa’s where a friend of his works. We got there but they had closed we went inside any ways to say hi to his friend who I actually knew but it had been years since knowing him. He got gave us some delicious fried ice cream on the house. It was fun to just sit and talk. Then we went and saw a movie. He picked because I didn’t know anything about any of them and I really thin he just thought the title of the movie was cool. Oh man so we saw Sucker Punch…weird but kinda good, not gonna lie. We sat super close the entire time sharing popcorn and a drink. I even put my arm in his which is huge for me I am so scared of initiating touch it’s not even funny. Afterward he took me home….we debated the name of the tree outside my apartment I said it was a Laurel and he said it was a Ficus…turns out we were both right…awesome! He hugged me and was gone….

Any ways so nothing spectacular just fun and easy and that equals love well with all the things I could tell you that I love about him..... I know I am crazy. I can see my cousin Chris reading this and shaking his head!!! What am I supposed to do?????????????? Someone please tell me! I'm not crazy....really I'm not!

When you least expect it....???

So I know back and forth back and forth! That is me! So Al came over tonight and it was so awkward he sat on the ottoman for part of the night then moved to the chair across from me. We chatted like normal he brought up other girls he is playing tennis with and whatever else with. I wanted so badly for him to ask me what I am doing Friday but alas I didn’t get to let him know about my date.

Earlier today when I was excited to see Al and super excited for my date with Mitch friend was like “ooo this is interesting if you have to choose who do you choose Al or Mitch” I immediately responded Mitch….might be why I was not feeling it tonight and because of a comment on my last post which I fully agree with I do want someone to be head over heels for me….and that is not the case with Al..

So pretty sure Al and I have a date for next Saturday still and he will probably come over next Wednesday but….I’m okay? I guess….trying not to be super excited for Mitch but I would say he popped up  when I least expected it…..

Yippee!!!!

Yeah I have a date Friday night with Mitch!!!  

Confession!!!!

Ooooo also torn…. so never really admitted this but pretty much decided at 16 I only wanted to kiss the man i was to marry. Of course when I thought about that I pretty much believed I would meet someone at 21 or marry the boy I was in love with all growing up and that would be that. Never imagined this would be my lot in life. Again I have not turned anyone down for a kiss, well except Mitch but he was not being serious lol buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

My 30^th birthday is next week, do I really start my 30’s as the

President of the Virgin Lips club

or do I just do it? If not Al there is someone else that keeps texting me that I am sure would jump at the chance….noooo….see it has to be Al I am just not that kinda girl to be kissing anyone….ugh!

Anyone want to clue him in for me?