No more over analyzing........

Okay…..So I well hmmmm this is hard. I have let everyone in on this relationship and I LOVE sharing it with you, it is exciting and fun and I am so happy so how can I not share and it will continue but this is hard. When I started this blog there were many men in my life but it quickly turned into just one. Actually today I could talk about two others, a potential blind date and a guy from October but maybe later. So with this one I know you all feel as invested as I am. I don’t know if it is as entertaining as the Bachelor but I know how I feel when I watch those shows and feel I know better than him why can’t he see how she is treating him or why does he let her talk to him that way ect…I am not trying to say I don’t value your thoughts and opinions cuz I do but I am learning every relationship is different. This sucks, cuz I more than anyone loves to talk about what is going on but I am seeing it may not be such a good idea.  No one but Al and I know what we are doing and frankly neither of us now what we are doing or what is going on…does this make sense? I don’t want to offend anyone but I myself need to stop analyzing everything.

So Al called me tonight as promised. I was thinking we might actually get to see each other but I even reading my last blog I realize we did just talk about talking on the phone. So after a terrible day of over analyzing things and feeling terrible he called me. We chatted about our weekend. I was not all in the conversation to be honest I really wanted to see him. At the end of the conversation he was like we should hang out again soon….then he thought about it and was like “well I will be out there on Tuesday”….my heart dropped another week but he went through his schedule again and yup Tuesday it is. I was real quiet he even thought I hung up but I was just like fine ya and we hung up.

We hung up and I cried. Chrissy had just texted me about starting her own blog so I called her and cried and cried. I felt bad no one wants to hear someone sobbing on the phone but she just sat patiently and listened. I decided I had to talk to him again this had to end. Of course by the time I hung up with her I wasn’t mad or sad any more. Sisters are the greatest they can always make me smile. So lucky am I that I have two!!! Another tangent I am the luckiest girl I have the best family, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and the bestest of friends. I love you all.

So the point I wanted to get across to him was not that he had to decide this very moment that we were a couple just need to know where we are going and that we are not in the friend zone.

So I called him I knew he wouldn’t answer he was playing soccer so I left a message to call me back no matter how late. Then I typed out everything that I love about him in case I needed it lol. I have had 3 people ask me if I even liked him….very awkward made me question myself so I needed to make the list….I think I will keep the list private for now but it is pretty big. For those in doubt yes I like Al.

Dun dun dun…..Suddenly I hear

 I see you driving ’round town
With the girl i love and i’m like,
Forget you!
Oo, oo, ooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn’t enough i’m like,
Forget  you!
And forget her too!
I said, if i was richer, i’d still be with ya

I did not want to answer…but I did and we talked about soccer then uncomfortable silence I didn’t know how start so I told him that…I was like “Al this is hard I don’t know how to say this…..but I really like you. I like everything we do together I just want to be with you more. …I need to know if we are just in the friend zone” he made a noise of surprise like what no not just friends…so I kept talking “Is this going somewhere?” he finally spoke and said I don’t know…more silence “okay” I said “so how long does “I don’t know” go for?” he was like “ya I know but I don’t know, I like spending time with you too and it has been a lot of fun but I don’t know” so more silence then I said “ and that is fine I really just need know when this is not progressing forward and we are just friends”. He said “that is fair, thank you for telling me how you feel” I then told him “when I know when I am going to see you it is fine but I am a girl I over analyze EVERYTHING so no text message means something to me but if when I know what is going on it is fine I feel great. Honestly after we talked Thursday night sucked that I knew I couldn’t see you but it also was okay because I knew I it wasn’t the end.” We then said goodbye again and hung up.

So is this how I dreamed this would go no but do I feel better yes!!! Do I feel I got everything answered I wanted noooooooo but I feel I got him thinking. The thing that was unfair before is I had all these feeling and I knew! I KNEW he had no idea what I was going through but now he has a slight taste of what is going on and I really hope he thinks about it. He didn’t laugh at me and say “oh Madison where did you get the idea I may be interested ha ha ha!” So I don’t want to over think any of this…..he doesn’t know but when he does he will clue me in and in the mean time I feel that what I have been doing is okay I just need to be patient and persistent. I can do that because when I am not over analyzing it I am happy. I am happy people I hope you are too!!!!!

No more analyzing…..