When you least expect it....???

So I know back and forth back and forth! That is me! So Al came over tonight and it was so awkward he sat on the ottoman for part of the night then moved to the chair across from me. We chatted like normal he brought up other girls he is playing tennis with and whatever else with. I wanted so badly for him to ask me what I am doing Friday but alas I didn’t get to let him know about my date.

Earlier today when I was excited to see Al and super excited for my date with Mitch friend was like “ooo this is interesting if you have to choose who do you choose Al or Mitch” I immediately responded Mitch….might be why I was not feeling it tonight and because of a comment on my last post which I fully agree with I do want someone to be head over heels for me….and that is not the case with Al..

So pretty sure Al and I have a date for next Saturday still and he will probably come over next Wednesday but….I’m okay? I guess….trying not to be super excited for Mitch but I would say he popped up  when I least expected it…..

Yippee!!!!

Yeah I have a date Friday night with Mitch!!!  

Confession!!!!

Ooooo also torn…. so never really admitted this but pretty much decided at 16 I only wanted to kiss the man i was to marry. Of course when I thought about that I pretty much believed I would meet someone at 21 or marry the boy I was in love with all growing up and that would be that. Never imagined this would be my lot in life. Again I have not turned anyone down for a kiss, well except Mitch but he was not being serious lol buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

My 30^th birthday is next week, do I really start my 30’s as the

President of the Virgin Lips club

or do I just do it? If not Al there is someone else that keeps texting me that I am sure would jump at the chance….noooo….see it has to be Al I am just not that kinda girl to be kissing anyone….ugh!

Anyone want to clue him in for me?

hang in there my peeps!!! (ooo peeps yummy!)

Quick update because it has been a while. No word from Mr. Mitch but I heard he was gone at the end of last week because he went to the  BYU game…wherever it was and let’s face he is a flake :) so not giving up hope there.

Al came over last Wednesday after institute and we just got all caught up on each other lives then we cuddled for a bit my favorite part was the song You and Me came on by Life house and we just listened in each other’s arms.

He is coming over tonight again after to institute and we have a movie night set up for the 9^th. Do we plan in advance or what? I have mixed emotions as usual and I texted him letting him know about it because it really upset me and I knew if I didn’t say it then, then I would wake up in the morning and feel different…I know I am a girl….what more can I say. SO I texted him last Wednesday night….”Al I need to be honest one minute I feel wonderful with you and the next minute I find out you can’t squeeze me in for 3 weeks. It hurts.”

He never responded to that and I really didn’t expect him too. We have texted since then but it has been more fun stuff.

I know what everyone is thinking out there and yes I think it is not fair to me either and yes I should just move on he obviously doesn’t care for me….but does he? It is so very confusing and I have seen it both ways where a couple just clicks and never leaves each other’s side and the ones that struggle because they think it should just click like in the movies….but everyone is different…how can we know? Some people need time. I know this sounds so pathetic but I just have this feeling it ain’t over people! Just hang in there….for me? Pretty please :)

Clueless

So I thought I was ok till I was driving home tonight and I was crying. Remember Al and I had plans to see each other tonight after he played volleyball? Well in the past that meant after 8 or 9 but he texted me yesterday and said he just found out his game was at 9 so he could do something between 7 and 8:15ish……I had made dinner plans with a friend and was not about to rush that just so I could see him for my allotted time of a measly hour. So I texted him back and said sorry I have plans blah blah blah and he texted me back I’m sorry to which I replied :( ya me too…

I was really hoping that this relationship would go further and maybe my not pushing him off when will I see him next will set off a light bulb in him but it is feeling like this relationship may be slipping away….and for that I am really sad.

How do I break this cycle?

I am clueless….

Wow 1,000 views of my blog!!!!!!

Well, well , well what an interesting turn of events tonight brought. I decided to go to third annual Mr. Mesa Pageant. My really good friend Emily was putting it on and I had been to the first but missed it last year. Now I won’t lie the there was a extra incentive for me to go and that was the man I will call Mitch like Mitch Buchannon from Baywatch…I choose this alias because dude loves to wear speedos! I now some of you out there know exactly who I am talking about. So Mitch and I have known each other for 12 years now. My first Sunday in the singles ward ever he spoke. This man loves to laugh and make others laugh. He LOVES being center of attention and I personally think he is hilarious. So he said as he started his talk “I hear when you give it talk it helps get you lots of dates….so ladies here I am” NERD!!!!  I loved him from that moment on. Then he went to BYU and yes was the big man on campus (another hint for other family members who this dude is ;) ) and I went on my mission and what not. So any ways about three years ago Mitch became one of my good friends and yes work out buddy! We would usually work out at 4:30am. I loved it! I assisted him in throwing two of the greatest parties known to the city of Mesa known as Cinco de mustache! I would take the whole day off to help it was also so fun! Any ways lots of good times with Mitch but as always he wasn’t interested in me in any other way other than a friend.

When I moved to a nearby city we lost all contact. I think in the last year and a half I have seen him twice. So I showed up and sat with some friends as the pageant began. I spotted Mitch sitting in the row in front of me just down a little way. He got up to go check on something and saw me his face lit up and said hi. It was cute I could tell he was happily surprised. Throughout the night he kept looking back at me and smiling. It was so weird I am not usually one that has this happen too. So it was fun. I started texting my sister, Cate and a cousins telling them Mitch soooo wants me! The pageant is over and I learned a great tip for not being nervous before a first kiss

Step 1: Practice safe dental hygiene –always floss, brush and rinse

Step 2:  Confidence is key

Step 3: Smile!

Thank you contestant #1!

Any ways so it is over and Mitch comes straight to me but then says oh so and so wants me…then walks away. I was just like whatever and went and found more friends to talk too but I stuck around even though I had a migraine “this big” (imagine me showing you by extending my arms really wide lol) About 10 minutes later Mitch is walking over to me and Emily. I was thinking oh ya this is it ha ha. So he thanks Emily for having him there and hugs her a awkward hug…Emily not the biggest Mitch fan and he knows it….which just leads to entertainment for me not so much for Em lol. Any ways then he comes to me and is like “Madison it has been so long. Is your number on facebook?” I wasn’t sure but confirmed I am on there and said “I’ll get in touch with you we need to catch up this week. I want to see you so we can talk” …What? What!!!! How about that ya’ll!

I do not understand men! Why was tonight different? Why was there so much interest tonight? I mean I did look hot but when don’t I? Just kidding…sort of lol!

So this will be interesting to watch it play out.

Another man was texting me today but is such a tease. I met him in October in a math class. He will tell you that I just couldn’t stop smiling at him from across the room. So much so that by the third week he moved to my side to sit with me. We had a date at the park one Sunday afternoon back then but I hadn’t seen him since school ended till about 2 weeks ago when he called me and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner. He is not a member of the church and told me if it wasn’t for our beliefs there would be nothing stopping us we would totally be together. Any ways the story with him could be real long but I will just say he is another guy like Andy (if you remember him) that I think he just doesn’t know what to do with me, he wants to see me, really likes me and date me but knows that in the end I am not changing and neither is he so nothing happens. We text a lot but not much more than that….he said we will talk tomorrow so we shall see…

Al and I continue to text but nothing too exciting. We are set to see each other on Tuesday! Can’t wait and can’t wait to go out with Mitch!!!

No more over analyzing........

Okay…..So I well hmmmm this is hard. I have let everyone in on this relationship and I LOVE sharing it with you, it is exciting and fun and I am so happy so how can I not share and it will continue but this is hard. When I started this blog there were many men in my life but it quickly turned into just one. Actually today I could talk about two others, a potential blind date and a guy from October but maybe later. So with this one I know you all feel as invested as I am. I don’t know if it is as entertaining as the Bachelor but I know how I feel when I watch those shows and feel I know better than him why can’t he see how she is treating him or why does he let her talk to him that way ect…I am not trying to say I don’t value your thoughts and opinions cuz I do but I am learning every relationship is different. This sucks, cuz I more than anyone loves to talk about what is going on but I am seeing it may not be such a good idea.  No one but Al and I know what we are doing and frankly neither of us now what we are doing or what is going on…does this make sense? I don’t want to offend anyone but I myself need to stop analyzing everything.

So Al called me tonight as promised. I was thinking we might actually get to see each other but I even reading my last blog I realize we did just talk about talking on the phone. So after a terrible day of over analyzing things and feeling terrible he called me. We chatted about our weekend. I was not all in the conversation to be honest I really wanted to see him. At the end of the conversation he was like we should hang out again soon….then he thought about it and was like “well I will be out there on Tuesday”….my heart dropped another week but he went through his schedule again and yup Tuesday it is. I was real quiet he even thought I hung up but I was just like fine ya and we hung up.

We hung up and I cried. Chrissy had just texted me about starting her own blog so I called her and cried and cried. I felt bad no one wants to hear someone sobbing on the phone but she just sat patiently and listened. I decided I had to talk to him again this had to end. Of course by the time I hung up with her I wasn’t mad or sad any more. Sisters are the greatest they can always make me smile. So lucky am I that I have two!!! Another tangent I am the luckiest girl I have the best family, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and the bestest of friends. I love you all.

So the point I wanted to get across to him was not that he had to decide this very moment that we were a couple just need to know where we are going and that we are not in the friend zone.

So I called him I knew he wouldn’t answer he was playing soccer so I left a message to call me back no matter how late. Then I typed out everything that I love about him in case I needed it lol. I have had 3 people ask me if I even liked him….very awkward made me question myself so I needed to make the list….I think I will keep the list private for now but it is pretty big. For those in doubt yes I like Al.

Dun dun dun…..Suddenly I hear

 I see you driving ’round town
With the girl i love and i’m like,
Forget you!
Oo, oo, ooo
I guess the change in my pocket
Wasn’t enough i’m like,
Forget  you!
And forget her too!
I said, if i was richer, i’d still be with ya

I did not want to answer…but I did and we talked about soccer then uncomfortable silence I didn’t know how start so I told him that…I was like “Al this is hard I don’t know how to say this…..but I really like you. I like everything we do together I just want to be with you more. …I need to know if we are just in the friend zone” he made a noise of surprise like what no not just friends…so I kept talking “Is this going somewhere?” he finally spoke and said I don’t know…more silence “okay” I said “so how long does “I don’t know” go for?” he was like “ya I know but I don’t know, I like spending time with you too and it has been a lot of fun but I don’t know” so more silence then I said “ and that is fine I really just need know when this is not progressing forward and we are just friends”. He said “that is fair, thank you for telling me how you feel” I then told him “when I know when I am going to see you it is fine but I am a girl I over analyze EVERYTHING so no text message means something to me but if when I know what is going on it is fine I feel great. Honestly after we talked Thursday night sucked that I knew I couldn’t see you but it also was okay because I knew I it wasn’t the end.” We then said goodbye again and hung up.

So is this how I dreamed this would go no but do I feel better yes!!! Do I feel I got everything answered I wanted noooooooo but I feel I got him thinking. The thing that was unfair before is I had all these feeling and I knew! I KNEW he had no idea what I was going through but now he has a slight taste of what is going on and I really hope he thinks about it. He didn’t laugh at me and say “oh Madison where did you get the idea I may be interested ha ha ha!” So I don’t want to over think any of this…..he doesn’t know but when he does he will clue me in and in the mean time I feel that what I have been doing is okay I just need to be patient and persistent. I can do that because when I am not over analyzing it I am happy. I am happy people I hope you are too!!!!!

No more analyzing…..

I'm breezy!

These blogs get harder and harder to write. I just feel so vulnerable but how can I leave you all out now right? So last night was the hockey game which was sooo fun! We met at Red Robin, Bobby (name came from fav character on Third Watch) wanted to watch the Notre Dame game and it’s Al’s favorite place, so perfect! Dinner was great we had then we headed over the game. The Arena is one of my favorite places. Just outside they have fountains just like at the Belogio in Vegas they dance to the music and love it. It was free hat night woot woot! I have never loved a t hat so much Al put his on sideways all gangsta….so cute lol especially cause he is such a nerd! I put mine on and he took it off and put it on me just like his we looked adorable but guess who forgot a camera….so sad. It was a great game Coyotes won 3-0!!! Between the 1^st and 2^nd period Al and I walked around the entire arena just arm in arm. I love that he doesn’t judge me or think I am silly or if he does he hides it well. I was telling him about my favorite tv moments. I know I am weird that I have them but the top two are the first time I saw Ricky Martin shake his Bon bon on the Grammys…AMAZING and when Michael Jackson was on the superbowl….magic! Al and Bobby were funny they were so into the game me and Betty were not allowed to talk because they were in between us and we were to be watching the games as well lolz! So when left we were walking down the stairs and Al was doing this little hop down it was cute so I joined in since we were waling arm in arm. He just makes me laugh. We beat Betty and Bobby and so started the race to the car it was so silly but we almost beat them except we couldn’t find the cars. So we ran they walked and we got there at the same time ha ha!!!! We stood and talked for a while it was so beautiful outside. Then we said goodbye. Bobby and Betty headed to their cars and Al and I hugged…oh previously he had told me only had 10 text messages left till the 15^th so when we hugged I said “since I can’t text you, you need to call me this weekend” Al pulls out his phone and opens the calendar and is like how about Tuesday we can do something then…I pouted and said it was too far away he then went over his schedule and yup Tuesday it is. I said “you know Al I really miss you when I don’t get to see you” he said “it is just a week” I said “a week Al is ridiculous” and pouted my lip. Then we pulled apart and said our goodbyes.

I am actually really hopeful. Bobby explained to me that men are just different. He is living his life right now and that is fine. I am not his girlfriend so he has no obligation to me. I really feel he likes me things are good…People are starting to say I need to just lay one on him….freaks me out but I think I put kissing on too high of a pedestal but I am not sure how to bring it down. Somehow I got it in my mind that I would only kiss the man I would marry….that is a lot of pressure. But I’m breezy!!!

quick update

I am sure many of you are wondering what has been going on. The last blog was a bit of a downer. Sorry. I am confused as ever and too chicken to ask. When I am with Al it is wonderful as you can imagine….but then we part and I am lost. Sometimes I feel so confident in what we have but most the time no idea and it freaks me out. I’ve never been lucky enough to even be where I am right now with him but are we stuck or are we moving forward I think it is hard to tell. He talks about doing things in the future but then he talks about not having to come out this way as much once his volleyball and institute is over in May….our runs are canceled for now because we would run too late and he wouldn’t get home till after midnight. I think this has been the most devastating. Last night he came over we celebrated his new job which just sounds amazing. He loves his new place and the area it is in things are great! He asked me if I wanted to go to Target with him last night and I replied “I thought you’d never ask” He knows of my love for that place. Sigh I know we must talk but it is so scary.

Tomorrow night we are going to a hockey game and I cannot wait. I bought a new shirt and sweater wrap thing it isn’t too heavy so I will need him to keep me warm J So excited for my cousin and her husband to meet him! I know we are going to have a fantastic time!!! Hooo-ooow-ooow-oowl!!!!!!!