I know I have been pretty quiet the past few days…been doing a lot of thinking and really haven’t come up with any new ideas, well at least none I want to share lol. So let’s see Al and I didn’t talk all Christmas weekend till we saw each other at church on Sunday and he was as cute as ever. I was annoyed I felt ignored but whatever. I decided I really wanted to talk to him to just end my misery at first I thought maybe this would just be what he needed. He just needs a little help right?
So I texted him after church and asked if we could talk before he goes to his parents or after but I really wanted to do it in person. He texted me back and said, it would have to be after he just got to his parents and then asked or could it wait till Tuesday when we ran together cuz he didn’t know how late he would be at his parents. I was kinda hurt by this. I mean really why didn’t I think of waiting till Tuesday??? Ugh! SO I just never texted him back.
Tuesday I was super nervous because I obviously knew he didn’t want to talk and I just took it as his answer which I don’t know if that is right or wrong but I decided to go a different way. So on our painful run up a mountain…yes a real mountain I decided to talk about the walls I somehow built around me. When I was 8 my grandpa who I thought was so great. He was fun and loving and gave me cool gifts and I just loved being around him went to jail for luring some neighborhood girls into his house they escaped before anything happened thank goodness but he went to jail. I was told about this when I was 11. I think even at 8 it changed my world my family was never touchy at all and I am sure it is from this. I dreaded having to go to any function where afterwards it was expected to hug my parents like graduation or any award ceremony just because I did not want to have to hug them…the hugging thing has gotten better with me but I do not initiate hugs with most people other than family now and Cate.
I wanted Al to know this because there was a night he came over, put his stuff down and we were talking and I could feel he wanted to hug but I had this wall up and it did not happen. It was the weirdest thing I actually could see the wall. Any ways we talked about that and the book the 5 love languages a bit. It was a good conversation. I don’t know if it helped any but felt much better afterwards.
Cate was disappointed I just didn’t have the other talk with him but I really felt it wouldn’t have been effective in the way O wanted so I guess I just have to deal with us just being friends for now. I am not giving up on the idea of us being more I just think he may need more time. He is kinda slow!
On our run we talked about wedding presents and he said that he wouldn’t want gift he would rather just donate them to the less fortunate. He also said but that would never happen because no girl would agree to that.
The next day I was thinking about it and first got a little offended he would generalize so much. Of course there are girls that would so that. So I texted him last night and told him that. He was surprised I was thinking about it. I told him that is something I would totally do and I think other woman would as well especially if their man wanted I think that is so cool he would even think of that. He said I was the first girl that has ever said they would do that. I said well I am a pretty giving girl; I have chopped off my beloved hair twice and donated it to Locks of Love! He said I have noticed that of you, btw the balloons you gave me two weeks ago are still flying high. Awww cute right? Any ways tonight I brought him a piece a cake by and we ended up watching Wild Hogs a silly silly movie but it was fun just being with him any ways. He texted me after I left and said “Thanks for staying and watching the movie it was nice.”
So who knows what 2011 will bring. I hope there is more of Al but I really have no clue. It is 11:09pm 2010 he is at a huge party and I am being stubborn and at home. I think I am maing a point but lets be honest I am not he has no idea I just wanted him to say “Hey Madison you should come. It will be fun” nope no invite, no go! I didn’t want to be disappointed there so I’ll just be disappointed at home. Lame I know!
Happy New Year!!!
